Embracing Art

Banana sketchLast year, I got this feeling like I was never doing enough. “Unaccomplished” doesn’t begin to describe the deep-seated hopelessness and worthlessness clenching my heart. No matter what I did, I’d look at the mountain of work left. Whenever I did something fun, the things I wasn’t doing would stare me down, mock me.

I came up with a new system this year, a way to make sure I do something creative every single day. While my creative affinity is writing, there are other forms of art I’ve been ignoring for the past year. I enjoy drawing. I enjoy painting. I enjoy crafting. I enjoy coloring.

And why can’t I do everything? It came down to time. The never-ending list of writing projects I haven’t finished would glare at me when I worked on another creative endeavor. I’d think of what I needed to do, instead of the project I was working on.

This year, I’m allowing myself to embrace art instead of shunning it. This is why I made my “Create” box. It forces me to do one item a day, but if I feel inspired to do more, I can.

Today, I painted. I painted when I pulled out aHH Comic Sans CR “Write 2000 Words” card. Why? Because I can write 2000 words and paint in the same day. Why not? I know I’ll write the words because I’m deadline-oriented, and I have until I fall asleep to write them. It’s only 2:30pm and I’m already at 252 words (thank you Scriptors post)!

I want to crush the feeling of being crushed. I never want that kind of hopelessness to worm its way into my life again, because it breeds negativity and second-guessing, both of which are terrible for a creative person.

My question to you: Is there a specific art you’ve been ignoring? Why? Do you feel less fulfilled without it in your life?

Drawing was a huge passion of mine in high school. I doodled constantly, mostly abstract items. I have composition notebooks dedicated to weird poetry and dark pen and ink drawings. Being without it was almost like losing a part of myself. Sure, I doodled a little bit over the years, but like I said, I always felt like I should have been writing.

A photo posted by R. A. Desilets (@radesilets) on

But now I’m doing both. I’m doing everything, and I’ve never felt… lighter. Which is strange, because I do (typically) suffer from minor seasonal depression. January and February tend to be my darkest months, where I internalize everything and delve into self-loathing.

Maybe I still hate how my hair looks (growing it out is a pain, and I’m this close || to chopping it off), but I like what I’m doing. I’ve shed as much negativity as possible and embraced all sides of my art.

Writing, I still love you. We’re best friends, but I need to spend time with drawing, painting, and photography in order to appreciate you as much as I do.

Now, with my painting done, I’m going to turn on music and write some fiction.

R. A. Desilets

R. A. Desilets

Rachel A. Desilets was born in southern New Hampshire. She graduated from Emerson College with a B.A. in Writing, Literature, and Publishing.

Check out her work:
My Summer Vacation by Terrance Wade - Children's Misadventure
Hipstopia - The Uprising #1 - YA Dystopian
The Collapse - The Uprising #2 - YA Dystopian
Girl Nevermore - YA Contemporary
R. A. Desilets

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