On Writing for Yourself

Every author has ideas they want to get out into the world. Sometimes, the story isn’t about finding an audience. Sometimes, the story isn’t about gaining readers. Sometimes, the story is written for the sole benefit of the author.

I’m speaking specifically about my novel Girl Nevermore. I wrote it, edited it, found betas, got feedback, and published it in a record time (for me). This happened between June 2014 (including Camp NaNoWriMo in July) and September 2014. I wrote 24,665 words in three days during the final push to finish the novel.

Girl Nevermore was a necessary novel for me to write. That might sound a little strange, but I had to write it. The story is about Cooper Mesa, a girl whose twin sister attempts to take her life during the first chapter of the novel. Cooper is left stunned and unable to cope.

I wrote Girl Nevermore because a similar situation happened with me and my best friend in middle school. I was left stunned, alone, hopeless. Everyone in my class badgered me with questions: What happened? Why did she do that? Is she going to be okay? Did you know? How do you not know?

These questions left me wondering what I had missed. They left me feeling like I had been a terrible friend, a horrible person. They left me in a dark place.

The problem I have with these questions is: My best friend never once reached out to me. She never expressed sadness. She laughed at my jokes. She shook her head whenever she thought I was being silly or weird. She immersed herself in art, and I honestly was jealous of her capabilities as an artist. I thought so many beautiful things about her.

There were no warning signs, no dialogue, no asking for help.

And she tried to take her life.

Girl Nevermore is Cooper’s journey to figure out the truth about her sister. During the dark, twisted story, Cooper also finds herself. I took a similar, emotional path in my teen years (and beyond).

Whenever someone tries to or does take their life, it creates a life-altering ripple effect for everyone else. It changes your whole scope of the universe in a matter of seconds.

I used Cooper as a way to explore my unresolved feelings about what happened with my best friend. By writing and rewriting the book, I created a different life within Cooper.

Girl Nevermore is not my story anymore. It transformed into Cooper’s story. However, by writing it, I filled in my unresolved feelings. I put my emotions into words. By writing it down, I gave my emotions power, but also took that power away. I was finally able to let those emotions go.

Now, I still have moments where I feel hopeless or helpless. My life isn’t always sunshine and rainbows. But I am continuously mending, changing, and evolving.

While I wrote Girl Nevermore for me, I still hope people who need it will find it.girl nevermore sale button It helped me, and I’m sure reading it can help other people as well. Anyone who was left behind, anyone who has unanswered questions, anyone who is still sad over losing someone.

If you know anyone who would benefit from reading Cooper Mesa’s journey, consider buying them Girl Nevermore. The Kindle edition is on sale for .99 from today until end of day Monday, August 22 (where it goes up to $1.99 until August 24).

Purchase it here.

R. A. Desilets

R. A. Desilets

Rachel A. Desilets was born in southern New Hampshire. She graduated from Emerson College with a B.A. in Writing, Literature, and Publishing.

Check out her work:
My Summer Vacation by Terrance Wade - Children's Misadventure
Hipstopia - The Uprising #1 - YA Dystopian
The Collapse - The Uprising #2 - YA Dystopian
Girl Nevermore - YA Contemporary
R. A. Desilets

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