Last year, I got this feeling like I was never doing enough. “Unaccomplished” doesn’t begin to describe the deep-seated hopelessness and worthlessness clenching my heart. No matter what I did, I’d look at the mountain of work left. Whenever I did something fun, the things I wasn’t doing would stare me down, mock me.
I came up with a new system this year, a way to make sure I do something creative every single day. While my creative affinity is writing, there are other forms of art I’ve been ignoring for the past year. I enjoy drawing. I enjoy painting. I enjoy crafting. I enjoy coloring.
And why can’t I do everything? It came down to time. The never-ending list of writing projects I haven’t finished would glare at me when I worked on another creative endeavor. I’d think of what I needed to do, instead of the project I was working on.
This year, I’m allowing myself to embrace art instead of shunning it. This is why I made my “Create” box. It forces me to do one item a day, but if I feel inspired to do more, I can.
Today, I painted. I painted when I pulled out a “Write 2000 Words” card. Why? Because I can write 2000 words and paint in the same day. Why not? I know I’ll write the words because I’m deadline-oriented, and I have until I fall asleep to write them. It’s only 2:30pm and I’m already at 252 words (thank you Scriptors post)!
I want to crush the feeling of being crushed. I never want that kind of hopelessness to worm its way into my life again, because it breeds negativity and second-guessing, both of which are terrible for a creative person.
My question to you: Is there a specific art you’ve been ignoring? Why? Do you feel less fulfilled without it in your life?
Drawing was a huge passion of mine in high school. I doodled constantly, mostly abstract items. I have composition notebooks dedicated to weird poetry and dark pen and ink drawings. Being without it was almost like losing a part of myself. Sure, I doodled a little bit over the years, but like I said, I always felt like I should have been writing.
But now I’m doing both. I’m doing everything, and I’ve never felt… lighter. Which is strange, because I do (typically) suffer from minor seasonal depression. January and February tend to be my darkest months, where I internalize everything and delve into self-loathing.
Maybe I still hate how my hair looks (growing it out is a pain, and I’m this close || to chopping it off), but I like what I’m doing. I’ve shed as much negativity as possible and embraced all sides of my art.
Writing, I still love you. We’re best friends, but I need to spend time with drawing, painting, and photography in order to appreciate you as much as I do.
Now, with my painting done, I’m going to turn on music and write some fiction.